Ezra Titus

1966 – 2009

THE KARMAPA

At the top of the wish lists for most members of Karma Triyana Dharmachakra, the Tibetan Buddhist monastery in Woodstock, would be a visit by the head of their order, Ogyen Trinley Dorje, the 17th Karmapa lama. After considerable negotiations between his representatives and the government of India, which has granted the Karmapa refugee status following his clandestine flight from Tibet in 2000, their collective dream will soon be realized when the spiritual leader to millions of Buddhists around the world visits the United States from May 15 to June 2. – Woodstock Times
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In this strangely horrible town, I find many things difficult to understand. My friend’s children eat “Kweeno, or Kee-wo” – whatever it’s called. It looks like tiny larvae. There’s no supermarket here and only one place to get food at four in the morning. We all know which place I’m talking about – that filthy little, neon Pepsi stand, on the road to lower Hell.
Unless I drive over to Kingston, I can’t get a thing to eat. The stores in Woodstock charge double over everything in Kingston. Basically, we have nothing. We could all die screaming and no one would hear us. This town needs something… the Karmapa!
We can allow him to build a titanic version of Jonestown up the hill, if:
1) The Karmapa builds us a subterranean, state of the art, twenty-four-hour shopping mall. We’ll be able to slide down a tube to shop and to escape the twelve million people the Karmapa is bringing to this concert venue of a town. We couldn’t allow the Karmapa’s zombie-like followers in the mall. That would make us the first town to pass new, secular/Buddhist segregation laws. Of course, that would bring in more cameras than the concert did. When I was a kid, we told tourists the concert was right on the green and that they built the town afterwards.

2) I want a twelve-theatre, surround-sound movie house, with popcorn.

Allow The Karmapa’s mad, extremist compound. Forget that he might be planning to go all Pol Pot up there on the hill. We must simply require him to build and maintain for us a functional, entertaining, 24 hour town, with better food.